A Miracle

Here is a copy of the note that is hanging next to our trash can:

Our behavior in regard to this trash can is absolutely unacceptable.  It only will be the result of an almost superhuman act of sheer will if I do not personally violently and torturously murder the next person that puts something next to the trash rather than in the trash.

If something does not fit INSIDE the trash so that the bag can still be easily removed and closed, then YOU need to take the trash out.  It’s really not that difficult.  It takes 60 seconds.  Leaving trash elsewhere is an act of utter disrespect to the rest of us, not to mention unsurpassed indolence (with the possible exception of not replacing a toilet paper roll).

And don’t even think about leaving the trash on the counter or on the table or on the floor or on the refrigerator.  The ONLY acceptable places to store trash are COMPLETELY INSIDE the trash can or in the privacy of your own bedroom.

This applies to every  piece of trash.  That includes milk jugs, cereal boxes, and everything else.  Flatten them and put them inside the trash can.  NOTHING GOES NEXT TO THE TRASH CAN.  NOTHING. Period.  No exceptions whatever.

If anyone has a problem with this I’m happy to beat the Hell out of you.

Remarkably, this note’s been there over a week now with no trash appearing extraneously to the trash can.  Given the historicity of unbelievably voluminous trash overflow occurring in our kitchen, this is a miracle.

Budgeting and Being Boring

A friend of mine brought it to my attention recently that there is strong correlation between budgeting and living a boring, sequestered life devoid of entertainment and excitement. 

This observation does seem rather well founded.  So then the question is: which direction does the causality run?  Are we budgeters boring because we budget? Or do we have some other personality trait that causes us to be boring and also to budget? 

Hard to tell, which is unfortunate because the answer would probably shed some light on whether it is possible for someone to be a budgeter while not having a boring life and it would certainly lend some insight into how one approaches achieving such a state of being.

Candy Making

Mastering candy making is turning out to be a little challenging.  In all of my baking and cooking experience I cannot remember a time when I had so many utter catastrophes. 

There were of course some—that simply comes with cooking.  Like my  several attempts at grapefruit pie.  And then there are the collapsing crusts or the inevitably shrinking meringues.  But relative to the amount of experimenting and cooking I do those are fairly rare and often relatively minor.

Not so with candy.  Sometimes it turns out fantastically well. And sometimes it doesn’t.  And when it doesn’t, it really doesn’t.  Occasionally the subpar attempts are at least somewhat edible.  Then you have the occasions when you end up with a burnt-chocolate flavored block of sugar in a bowl that requires a hammer and screwdriver to remove.  If only I were exaggerating.